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Hey, everyone!
It’s time for the best time of the week: our peer review corner! Every week we survey questions from the lesbian community to help with areas, questions, or concerns you may be facing as a gay woman.
This week, we’re focusing on a question that I’m sure many of you have had problems with.
Here’s the question:
🌈PEER ADVICE: How can I get people to stop assuming I’m straight as a femme?!
I so get this. It’s exhausting having to come out to the world over and over again. Unfortunately, that’s just part of being a lesbian. But! Some of our other readers have great tips to help you navigate these situations.
One reader says this: Flagging is important to some people. You could get some lesbian/pride buttons/patches, keep two fingers manicured shorter than the others, keychains/lanyards, pride stickers for your devices, vulva or feminist art/jewelry or one of the following hairstyles: pixie, mullet, undercut, Mohawk, ‘baby’ bangs.
While keeping your nails short may be too subtle for most of the straight community, I think the other tips are really great. Pride apparel can help flag to straight people (and gay women) that you’re part of the gay community, and as our society becomes more and more progressive and welcoming of the LGBTQ community, more and more people can pick up on those hints.
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Another reader says this: Oh, but it is so much fun when we correct them. They are so flustered. They usually say “That’s alright.” As if they think we want their approval.
Yes! I completely agree with this. It’s so much fun seeing peoples faces change when they realize that you’re gay. You can have a lot of fun and entertainment coming out to straight people, and when you embrace this part of being a lesbian, it certainly becomes more tolerable.
Another reader says this: I would say stop caring! Let them think what they want!! And you be you!
I second this!! In the end, you can’t control people’s reactions or perceptions of you.
My advice? If you’re a femme, chances are people will not stop assuming you’re straight. That’s the thing when we live in a straight-dominated world – people will always assume that you’re part of the straight majority – this even happens to women who look more masculine, too.
So, what to do? Live your life, and learn how to laugh about it. Plus, being recognized as gay gets easier once you start with someone and hold hands in public. When you’re really PDA in public, it’s hard for people to assume you’re straight.
I hope this was at least a little bit helpful, even though there’s no definitive answer to how to get straight people (and gay people) to realize you’re gay.
Write in to tell us what you think, and make sure to write us your questions for our peer advice corner next week!
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