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Hey, everyone!
It’s time for our peer advice section again! Let’s dive into another question from the community to hear what you all have been struggling with this week.
PEER ADVICE : Okay, so I need some advice. Been in a 4-year relationship with my partner (who I love immensely and respect a lot), and although I have known from the beginning she was less into sex than me, we had great sex at the beginning of our relationship, but honestly, these days we hardly have sex, and it really is starting to impact me. I give her space, and we hang out etc but I need that physical connection and I want someone to want me, in a physical way as well. I think it is so important, and I am so frustrated with trying to talk to her about it because she just doesn’t ever say much. I just really don’t know what to do.
This is definitely a problem. Sex is a vital part of any relationship, and it’s important you guys are on the same wavelength on what you both need to be happy. People like sex at different levels, and every level is okay, but you need to make sure you and your partner are on the same page in order for your relationship to thrive.
So, what should you do? Let’s hear what other members of the community have to say first.
One reader says this: Just a question. Does she suffer from depression..and or on medication..that can affect libido immensely.
This is so true. Medications and mental health can really impact our sexuality. Not only that, but other medical factors can affect libido, too, like hormonal changes, high blood pressure, and arthritis (who knew?). It sounds like a low sex drive is something your partner has a history of, but if you and her both notice there’s been a noticeable difference, it might be worthwhile to visit a doctor.
Another reader says this : GO TO THERAPY TOGETHER!! If you love and respect each other, you will be willing to do anything to figure it out. You may both be missing something in communication. We all have different ways to express ourselves or just don’t know how to express what we want and how we feel. If you are unable to talk about it, I highly recommend therapy.
I COMPLETELY agree. I’m a huge, huge, huge (did I say huge?) believer in good ol’ therapy. There could be underlying issues in the relationship that you’re not aware of, and it sounds like she may be having a hard time expressing her feelings. Another step that could help is to visit a sex therapist together.
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As for my advice, I think you should start with what you need in the relationship to be happy. It sounds like you’ve already figured that out, which is that you need more sex to feel fulfilled than your partner.
Try talking to your partner again. Be really clear that this is a problem because you need to feel more physically connected. Try to avoid coming off like you’re attacking her (stick to those “I feel” statements).
If it’s a situation where she simply doesn’t want as much sex as you, you could try opening up your relationship so that you both are fulfilled. If that’s not an option, but your partner doesn’t see herself wanting more sex anytime soon, it could indicate that you and she may not be compatible.
Either way, I’m making a lot of assumptions here since I don’t know your partners’ point of view. So, talk to her again. See what she’s thinking or where she’s at. Chances are if she’s willing to work with you on this, then you two will be able to figure it out.
That’s it for now. Thanks for reading!
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