Hey, ladies!
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It’s Colleen again with our peer advice column. This week, we’re talking about how to keep up the sexual chemistry in long-term relationships.
Here’s our question:
🌈PEER ADVICE: How do I bring back the sexual chemistry in my relationship? This is my first long term lesbian relationship since high school (over a decade ago), so I have literally no idea what I’m doing. Help?!
While it’s only natural for couples to have less sex with each other as the years go on, sex is still an essential piece towards expressing your love towards each other. As such, it’s vital that couples work together to keep the sexual chemistry flowing. Let’s hear what some readers suggest.
One reader says this: “Maybe try to spend some time apart doing your own things, if you’re spending a ton of time together? But also, making the other feel seen, feel special, is very important. Small gestures, doing what they like, dates, stuff like that. Also, make sure it’s a relationship problem and that it’s not like depression or anything that could be interfering.”
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I really agree with this; it’s all too easy for our identities to fade away the more we spend with our partners. And how could it not? You’re sharing and building a life together. But too much time together can kill passion and sex drives. Make sure you carve out enough time for you to spend on your own, with your own friends, or trying new hobbies by yourself so that you have the chance to miss each other.
Small gestures also go a long way, too. You don’t need to plan an extravagant date – just making her favorite meal as a surprise could be enough to spark that romance.
Another reader says this: “Couples therapy might be helpful.”
Therapy and counseling is never a bad idea. Sometimes sex drives can decrease due to bigger problems in the relationship, some that you may not even be aware of. Maybe pitch the idea of seeing a therapist together to see if she’s open to that.
As for my advice, I’d start with baby steps to add some passion back into your sex life and then go from there. Try experimenting with sex games, experiment with kissing or touching only (without the pressure of it leading to sex), or do a fun activity like go to your favorite sex shop and pick out toys for each other. Just remember to get creative, relax, and have fun.
There are also some great activities you can try together to increase the chemistry in your relationship. Check out our newsletter this week for more ideas on how to add more passion back into your long-term relationship.
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